Diet Plans, do they work?

Well, I have tried a few guru weight loss plans in my day.  Do they help you lose weight? Sure, but then so does a broken jaw.  Now I admit that some of the meals I had were down right tasty.  Some plans were not too pricey either. Still, others were socially acceptable and not thought of badly. If all that was true, then why am I still overweight and am not on them?

For me, the answer revolves around several key points.

The reasons these diet plans failed to work for me are:

1. Inconvenient.  I just don't have the time to stand around and prepare EVERY stinking meal.
2. Not available. Hey, I travel and have friends. I feel like a leper trying to figure out what on the restaurant menu "I can have".  Then if you pick nothing, you make your friends feel bad.  This leads to not going out and becoming depressed.
3. Waste.  The vegetables turn bad, the meal sucks or I make to much.  Either way it goes in the trash.
4. Cheating.  Oh, the guilt! Guilt sucks. It is going to happen.
5. Measurements.  Oh my god! Seems to me that every phone app or plan wants me to measure or weigh in.  Maybe for some this helps to acknowledge your success, but for me, it is a constant reminder of where I failed and now have to fix.
6. Takes to long.  Months?  Oh, you must be kidding.  If I had that much will power I already would be a better person.
7. Give up drinking.  No beer? No mixed drinks?  No alcohol?  I don't think so.
8. Gimmicks.  Recipe cards, lotions, wheels, mixers, buzzers, wrist rubber bands, clubs and so on.  Might work for some, but not my cup of tea.  Why not just stab myself with a fork or slap my face, probably would work just as good.
9. Points.  Call them what you like: points, servings, substitutions or whatever.  If I need a calculator and notepad, it's not for me.
10. Celebrity endorsements. Yeah right.  If I think that's going to make me have a movie star body, or they REGULARLY use it,  I must be crazy.  Let celebrities stick with endorsing something I might actually believe they use:  JayLo for lip stick and pushup bras, Joan Rivers for cosmetic surgery, Jay Leno for hairspray and Mr. T for "Buy my gold now" fool.

Here's what I think I want from my new plan:

1. Convenience.  I should be able to mix and match off the shelf items or cook the components in large quantities for later use. I also want to be able to eat some commercially available Ready to Eat (RTE) items.
2. Portable with off diet allowed. I want to: be able to go out, have a good time and enjoy it, eat within reason from an everyday menu. Why should I be eating foods I don't like when I'm paying restaurant prices.
3. Little waste.  It is not always a perfect day.  Some waste for one reason or another is ok.
4. No gimmicks.  Save them for Letterman and the tabloids.
5. Social drinking must be allowed in moderation, just maybe not every day.
6. The core diet must be primarily consumed and put in place at the home.
7. Results I can see within a reasonable time.
8. Low price.  The food must be reasonably priced for my income.  I can't justify spending $200+ a week to lose 3 lbs.
9. Goals are by the day/week/month, not by the meal.  It's the results at the end of the day/morning we all measure.
10. Snacks.  Face it, I need to be able to stick something in the face between meals and help me avoid binge eating.  Not some chicklet size cracker either. 
11. Nutrient.  The overall diet must provide for a healthy body DURING the diet.